Sometimes I imagine a big wedding where I invite literally everyone I’ve ever met. Sometimes I imagine a small destination wedding with just our two families. And sometimes, I think about eloping in a short and quick ceremony in a courthouse with two random witnesses I pulled from the bodega up the street.
But I’m scared I won’t make it that far. I worry that I’ll never find someone that I want to be with for the rest of my life who also wants to be with me.
“‘Til death do us part” used to be a part of sacred ceremonial vows, but today it’s only something one says in a wedding. Many people don’t believe in the vows they swear to anymore. Many people don’t want to make vows at all.
Sometimes I think I won’t want to either. In a world where Tinder, Christian Mingle and all other similar platforms exist, emotional connections are clearly hard to come by. Tinder makes it even easier to talk, meet up, ghost and repeat.
Men and women alike are opting to partake in friends-with-benefits relationships over more long-term commitments. I swipe often when I’m bored or drunk. A lot of profiles I swipe left on have bios that say things like: “Looking for FUN,” “Not looking for anything serious,” “I’m in an open relationship and we’re looking for a third,” “Looking for a naughty girl” and even “Sex?”
And they just get worse.
Of course, there are those who say they are looking for a serious connection, then send nudes after you cave in and share your Snapchat.
This pattern is not exclusive to men’s profiles. Numerous men have told me a lot of women employ the bait and switch tactic as well. Some women look nothing like their profile pictures when they meet up. Many women who get a lot of matches are looking for “sugar daddies” or for someone to supply their credit card info to continue chatting.
Some argue that meeting people online is not the best way to look for more meaningful connections. That may have been true when websites like Craigslist were the only ones offering that type of service, but today things are different — it’s a new world. Advancing technology and the rise of social media have made it possible to connect with different people and ideas we have never imagined were possible before. But unfortunately, there is a downside to everything.
Marriage rates have declined dramatically in recent years. There is much speculation as to why, and my theory is that dating apps are a huge contributing factor. Why commit when there will always be someone else that swipes right? Right?
I think this is a dangerous way to look at things because 20 years from now, when the excitement of the never-ending solo lifestyle truly sets in, you may decide that it’s not enough.
Many people are content being single parents and keeping their love lives separate from their child’s — this is their prerogative. But many women today are choosing not to have children, and I think there is a direct correlation between forgoing commitment to a partner and deciding not to have kids.
Marriage and kids don’t necessarily bring fulfillment to everybody, but it is what keeps the world going. Without procreation, there is no next generation. Some people say the world is overpopulated as it is, so why not. But when our grandparents and parents die and then it’s our turn, who will be left?